by Stacey | Dec 18, 2014 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
You know me. You know my deeds, my thoughts, and the deepest longing of my soul. You know it well. Before a word leaves my tongue, before a thought fully forms, before a step is complete—You know.
And You love me anyway.
You are behind. You are ahead. You are right now. You are here, in the deep aching despair. You are here, in the joyous celebration. My gut wrenching cries and my songs of praise rise to You—a fragrant offering of dependence.
You scatter darkness. The night is as bright as the day because You are Light. You hold me. Your right hand guides me. When evil presses in, You lift my head and fix my gaze upon You. My whole being trembles and I fall down and worship.
You are inescapable. You never let go. You are God.
by Stacey | Dec 11, 2014 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
It always comes. The valley of the shadow follows the mountain. The struggle intensifies and the road becomes hard but you are with me.
The lessons from high are lived out in the depths, and the ache to be faithful overcomes the ache to give-up. You comfort me.
You gather the shards of the shattered in your pierced hands. Jagged edges and razorblades mar your flesh, still your grip tightens. You press in, never letting go. You restore my soul, for your namesake.
Piece by devastated piece you build something new. Something that never would have been without the broken, without the wounds that burrow even deeper into You. You prepare something good for me.
Each splinter epitomizes your love, your mercy, your promise to restore. And the broken becomes beautiful.
My cup overflows. You are my shepherd. I shall not want.
by Stacey | Dec 4, 2014 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
My latest article is out in the December issue of the MB Herald. Read the teaser blurb below and click the link for the rest.
The closer we get to December 25th, the louder Christmas gets. Bing Crosby paints a picture-perfect holiday season. His deep timbre rouses images of glistening snow, jingling sleigh bells and rosy-cheeked children.
And I love it.
But my visions are more complicated than twinkling lights and fireside moments. They don’t revolve around Santa slipping down the chimney or leaving out cookies and milk. They are more than dreams – they are prayers.
I’m praying for a white Christmas. To read more click here.
by Stacey | Nov 27, 2014 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
My heart breaks a little. She asks another question and I try to hold back raw emotion. No child should ever wonder who they are or where they came from.
But, she does.
This is a hurt that I cannot take away, no matter how much I want too. I feel incredibly inadequate. Overwhelmingly unable.
We speak of God’s goodness and our broken world. We discuss God’s sovereignty, and how He takes what man planned for evil and uses it for good. We discuss a heart torn in two, between what is, and what might have been, and how our God is bigger than both. We affirm His love, His plan and how He never defaults to plan “B” because plan “A” ALWAYS works.
She smiles, satisfied, and I tuck her in.
Then I cry.
God, you are my God, and You are her God. You created her in her mother’s womb. You knit her together and planned all her days before one of them was lived. I believe You have a plan for her life that is good. I believe that she can wrestle these questions down, and that you will not leave her floundering. I believe that the answer to every question is You. May she turn to You. Make she seek You. May she find satisfaction in You.
Draw her near. Make her childlike faith come alive like never before. Reveal Yourself to her. You are enough.
Remove all fear and fill her with Your peace that passes understanding. Remove all doubt and fill her with certainty. May her adoption story be bigger than her adoption into our family, but include her adoption into Your family. May she see this as beautiful and precious. May Your truth penetrate her heart as Your glory meets her suffering.
And then I cry some more.
I am inadequate. Blessedly inadequate. But my God is more than enough. He is more than enough for me, and more than enough for her. And despite wishing it could be easier, despite wishing I could carry this burden for her, I submit to the will of One greater than me.
And it is well with my soul.
by Stacey | Nov 20, 2014 | Devotionals, reflections, and encouragement
It’s snowing. The first real snow of the season. Shrieks of joy fill the living room as the children press their noses against the window. They scamper outdoors, poking and jabbing every sparse flake as it flutters to the ground until it is time to go.
We pile into the car and the ride goes something like this.
Her body wedged between theirs. Booster to thigh. Thigh to booster. Squeezed across the tiny bench seat in the vehicle that provides the most miles per gallon.
It begins with a poke. A small jab. A fluttering under the breath. Someone wants what someone else has. But isn’t that how most battles begin? The temperature inside the vehicle plummets as the battle for elbow space rages and the light snow turns ugly. It’s war.
War is always ugly, bringing to the surface what hides within—
—Within every one of us.
The car swerves to the side spitting gravel and jerks to a stop. “THAT IS ENOUGH!”
The youngest covers his face and cries. “I don’t like that sound!”
The sound of the small vehicle shuddering as tractor trailers fly by? Or the sound of his mother’s anger?
Conviction falls like that snow. Softly, then poking and jabbing my hard, cold heart, burying me under the ugly truth. War rages in me, bringing to the surface what hides within.
It. Is. Ugly.
The anger is mine. The sin is mine. And it is time to own it.
Be angry and do not sin.
It is no longer about the correction and instruction of my children. It is about accepting correction and instruction from my Lord.
Forgive me.
And the snow eases. Once piled high in weighty conviction, it disperses into gentles flurries that bury me under a blanket of white that covers a lifetime of failure. Making me, white as snow.
White as snow. Though my sins were like scarlet, Lord I know, I am clean and forgiven. Through the power of your blood. Through the wonder of your love. Through faith in you I know that I can be white as snow.~ Keon Olguin
